I was at a pool hall with my brother the
other night, and the General Tao chicken I had for dinner earlier that
evening wasn’t exactly sitting well.

While sitting on this establishment’s Throne of Contemplation and setting a new high score on Rooster,
I eventually got around to reaching for the toilet paper dispenser on
the wall. To my sudden disappointment, I saw one of those massive rolls
of unnecessarily thin, unnecessarily narrow SINGLE-ply toilet paper
that looks and feels more like tissue paper.

It occurred to me that it had be a reasonably long time since I had
seen this type of low budget toilet paper in a bathroom stall. I began
to wonder why. After all, what public place doesn’t want to be
financially prudent? Why wouldn’t every public bathroom be stocked with
the less expensive supplies?

And then I answered my own question with a question: Is it really a cost saving measure to stock your facilities with single-ply toilet paper?

I know that the cost per roll is far less than softer, thicker, more
comforting two-ply (or on rare decadent occasions, THREE-ply) toilet
paper. But it’s not like I’m willing to risk a "poke-through" or a
"slip-aside" just to save the bar or restaurant 10 cents.

Regardless of the width or thickness of the paper available, I am
going to ensure that my hand is sufficiently protected with a thick,
strong layer of tissue before I wipe. So will everyone else who sits in
that stall. When I see the cheap one-ply stock I tear off strips long
enough to mummify myself from fingertip to wrist!

So at the end of the day, I’m using 3 or 4 times as much ‘length’ of
a budget single-ply roll as I would be if standard two-ply was on hand.
The cost to the establishment is the same, if not more, for the amount
of paper I use.

That isn’t the only fall-out either. Not only is the business losing
money because I’m using more paper, they have also shown me that they
have very little interest in making sure that my customer experience is
a comfortable one. If I had to choose between two otherwise identical
bars or restaurants, I would choose the one with more comfortable
customer experience 100% of the time. Therefore, providing single-ply
toilet paper is also putting this business at a competitive
disadvantage.

So it is in this context that I propose the following theory:

The net financial outcome of purchasing single-ply toilet paper for
your public bathroom as a function of a) direct cost savings, and 2)
impact on customer experience, is negative.

Therefore, it stands that by investing in two-ply toilet paper your business should be more profitable.